Walking on a nightmare
by BBLeviosa
Summary: Callie's world falls apart when she walks in on Arizona cheating on her. What will she do from now on?
1. Prologue

I don't know how to explain everything that has happened to us. I feel sad just thinking about the day you broke my heart. I no longer hold my head up high because I'm ashamed. I trusted you, I made a promise that I would be by your side no matter what. And in a split second everything changes when I open a door and I find you kissing somebody else.

We went through a lot in the past years. I watched you leave many times but you would always come back to me. So I believed that we were made for each other, you had my back and I had yours. But your stubbornness put you inside of a plane you were not supposed to be on and everything changed.

I was waiting for you to come back and surprise you. Sofia was already sleeping and we had the whole night to ourselves. Then Owen calls me and tells me the plane never arrived to Boise. You were lost and I didn't know how to find you. But I tried anyway because I loved you and I would die for you without a second thought.

We found you. You were in bad shape, almost dying. Mark was also dying. I didn't know what to do. I had to be there for both of you. And then he died and I couldn't cry over his death because you needed me and I wanted to be there for you. I gave Alex my permission to cut off your leg. You used that to blame me for everything that went wrong with you from that moment on. You blamed Alex, you told him he should've been in that plane instead of you. But he wasn't there because of you, because you wanted to prove a point and punish him.

I didn't have anyone to talk to. Nobody could understand what I was going through. I wasn't in that plane but that tragedy took its toll on me. Lexie died, Mark died and you were dead inside. I didn't know how to bring you back to life. **But I stayed because I was your wife and I loved you.**

I cried every night in Mark's bed. I couldn't believe he was gone. I needed to talk to him so I prayed. I asked God to help me get through that whole mess. You started talking to me again and that made hopeful. You wanted to see Sofia again and pick her up. You started walking again and I still remember the day I came home and you told you had fallen. **"I got back up"**. I was so proud of you.

We were getting better and better. You trusted me again to touch you and hold you. I thought everything was going to be okay. And we were for a short time. Until the day I opened up that door and I saw you with Lauren. It took you five months to sleep with me again, your wife. But you didn't waste any time with her, did you?

I didn't deserve that. George cheated on me, Erica left me, my father tried to disown me and then you cheat on me too. I can't see your face anymore. I just realized that the biggest love we can have is for ourselves. I don't want you to show up at my door and apologize for this with one of your big speeches. That doesn't work anymore. You're not a good man in a storm and I deserve better.** Sofia deserves more.**

**The real Arizona died in those woods**. You're different but not because of your leg. I just wanted you to talk to me. But **you chose Lauren** and there's nothing I can do to change that.

* * *

First of all I would like to apologize in advance for any mistakes. English is not my native language (I'm from Portugal). If you would like to be my beta just send me a pm. It would help a lot.

After yestarday's episode I wanted to write something. This is my first story about Callie and Arizona. I want to write about what I think will happen in the show for now on. I hope you like this story.

I also wrote a text about what I think it will happen in season ten. You can follow this link to read it: tmblr DOT co SLASH ZtDIJske26bX


	2. Respect

"Callie, please open the door" Arizona knocked again. There was no answer. She needed to explain herself to Callie. She had made a mistake and she had to fix it.

"I'm sorry. I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am. I don't recognize myself. I know this doesn't change anything but I need you to listen to me, one more time. Please Callie!" she knew Callie was home. She sat on the floor and she waited, with tears running down her face. She thought nothing in her life would be more painful than losing a leg but then there was Callie's face when she opened that on call room door.

She had been sitting there for a long time. It was always her standing outside the door trying to apologize for something. And it was her fault, she knew that.

"It has been a week Callie, please open the door. Let me in. I live here too." Arizona heard footsteps and she got back up. The doorknob turned and she saw Callie for the first time in a week. She expected her to be crying but Callie had a smile on her face.

"You don't live here anymore. You lost that right. This is my house and I only share it with my daughter…"

"She's also my daughter!"

"No, she's not your daughter! You didn't think about her when you were with Lauren, did you? Did you remember you had a wife that was worried about you because hell was breaking lose and I didn't know where you were? No, you were busy cheating on me!" Callie exploded. In the past months she had been keeping everything to herself because she didn't want to hurt Arizona. But right know she wanted her to suffer, she wanted her to disappear and never come back.

"What are you doing here anyway? Is your new girlfriend gone?"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Arizona didn't want to cry. She had no right to do it.

"Well, from what I've seen I think you could call her that. Was it easy for you? Because it took you five months to let me touch you again but then there were you, ripping her clothes off like there was no tomorrow."

"I know you're hurt and…"

"You don't know a thing. What have I done to deserve this? I was by your side the whole time even when you were blaming me for everything that happened to you. But I loved you and I wanted you to be okay, I wanted my wife back. I guess that was a battle I was destined to lose" Callie watched as Arizona tried to stop crying.

"Don't cry. You brought this on yourself. I hope you're happy." Arizona took one last look at Callie before she closed the door. She stood there waiting for something to happen while Callie's words were replaying in her head:

**"She's not your daughter"**

**"But I loved you… I wanted my wife back"**

* * *

"Karev …" Arizona looked up from her charts when she didn't get an answer.

"Dr. Karev, are you hearing me?" Alex's eyes shot up to meet Arizona's glare.

"What do you want?"

"I need to know if the exams from the Morrison kid are ready."

"I'm not a freaking intern. Go ask someone else." Alex turned his back on Arizona and started walking away.

"Just stop right there! That is no way to talk to your superiors. I demand respect" She was surprised to see Alex laughing while looking at her.

"You demand respect? I'm sorry but I can't take that seriously. Your wife also deserved respect but well… You know how the story goes."

"You have no right to talk about my personal life…" Arizona was angry. She didn't need anybody remind her of what she had done.

"As a matter of fact I have because Callie is my friend. She is the one I have to respect. She put up with every crap from you in these past months. You even blamed her for cutting your leg off when I was the one holding the scalpel. I hope she finds someone better than you… but then again that's not very hard, is it?" Alex started walking away again leaving behind a shocked Arizona. She didn't know what to say. She didn't have anyone to talk to, everyone was judging her. She was no longer a good man in a storm. **She was no better than George or Erica.**

* * *

"So how are you feeling today?" Addison had been calling every day to check on Callie. She was worried about her friend but she couldn't catch the next flight for Seattle because she was working in a very important case.

"She was here yesterday"

"Why didn't you call me? How was it?"

"She said she was sorry but I didn't let her talk too much. Just her voice alone makes me sick" Callie adjusted herself on the couch and looked at Sofia who was playing with some toys on the floor.

"Did she try to see Sofia?" Callie could feel the anger in Addison's voice.

"I told her she was not her daughter anymore."

"You know I'm not the best person to talk about cheating but I've learnt from my mistakes and I would never do it again. I'm in a happy place now. But I can't stop feeling that this is different. Derek didn't love me anymore, our marriage was doomed. But Arizona… you were trying to help her get back on her feet… Sorry, let me reformulate this sentence." Callie laughed genuinely for the first time in days. She wasn't laughing at Arizona. But Addison had a way with words she would never be able to understand.

"Sorry, please continue."

"As I was saying, you were trying to help Arizona being her old self again and she throws everything out the window because of a blonde bimbo… Sorry, I know Arizona is also blonde." Callie laughed again. There was no better therapy than talking to Addison.

"I may need to change my hair color Addie. Izzie was blonde, Lauren was blonde… There must be something wrong with me."

"I'm a redhead, I have no soul. There's nothing wrong with you. You are a latina, you're hot."

"Okay, stop. You're making me cry from laughing so hard" Callie was cleaning some tears while trying to hold the phone at the same time.

"I'm going to get some sleep. I get back to work tomorrow and I need my strengths. Thank you Addie, for everything."

"Shut up, you don't need to thank me. Get some sleep and I'll call you again tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too Addie". Callie hung up the phone and picked Sofia up.

"It's time for you to get some sleep, baby"

"Mama, I want mama" And there was it again. The laughter from moments ago forgotten and she could almost hear her heart breaking again.

"It's just you and me now, mija." She kissed the top of Sofia's head and got up from the couch. Another long night awaited her.

* * *

I'm sorry again for every mistake I may have made. I hope you've enjoyed this second chapter. I'm not very good at writing dialogues in english because in portuguese we have a different way to do it.


	3. Flaws

I protect the things I love or at least I used to. I grew up in the past few years but I'm not flawless. I make mistakes like everybody else. But some mistakes are unforgivable and I made one of those. I cheated on my wife with a woman I barely knew. I can't blame her for what happened. I closed that door; I didn't turn my back on Lauren and walked away. I stayed there, in the dark, taking her clothes off. I feel disgusted with myself mostly because I've hurt the two people I love the most, even if Sofia doesn't know it yet.

Nobody talks to me anymore. I'm all alone. I'm sleeping in a hotel and I have nightmares every night. Except for the fact those nightmares are more like a memory, playing over and over in my head. The pain of losing my leg is nothing compared to the pain I felt when I realized what I had done.

Soon Callie will start referring to me as her ex-wife. I don't know how I'm going to deal with that but I know I deserve that pain. I know it. I didn't stop loving her but I saw my old self in Lauren's eyes and I lost control. It's not okay to lose control sometimes, not like this. It's not okay to cheat on the person you love. I made vows; I promised I wouldn't bail again. Mark was right and I keep thinking that I should've been the one to die in those woods. Not Lexie, not Mark but me.

I was allowed to be a little selfish; after all I lost my leg. But I was selfish for a long time and I wasn't there for my wife. She never had a chance to talk to me about Mark. I was so worried about how my life was going to be that I didn't cry for Mark. We had our issues but I liked him. He was Sofia's father. I have to confess that it was very weird at the beginning but I couldn't accuse Callie of cheating. I was the one who left her behind telling her it was over between us. I know I did it because I didn't want her to leave the job she loved and her friends. I never realized that was not a choice for me to make. She was willing to leave everything for me because she loved me and she wanted to be with me.

I'm like my father; I don't bend easily but after I fell in love with Callie that changed. I bent for her, I changed my mind about having kids and I couldn't be more grateful because I can't imagine my life without Sofia. It was hard to hear Callie saying I'm no longer her mother. I'm looking at her right now through the daycare window and I just want to hug her and tell everything is going to be okay. But I know I would be lying; nothing is going to be okay ever again.

I remember the exact moment where I fell in love with Callie. At first I was attracted to her, I wasn't looking for anything serious. And then she appeared when I was in a middle of a date and she started rambling. I remember looking into her eyes and thinking that maybe I could have a shot at happiness. So I gave up the "player life", the one night stands and I started to build a relationship with her. We had our fights, our ups and downs but in the end we stuck together no matter what. She accepted my flaws.

"You're untrustworthy, so I don't want to see you. I am a hundred percent certain that if I let you back in my life again you will hurt me again". I still remember those words. She was right; after all I ended up hurting her again. And even though I want nothing more than to fight for her, I know I shouldn't do it. She told me many times that I was the best person she had ever met but she is also wrong sometimes, I made her wrong.

Right now I just need to hug Sofia again and start fighting for her. When she's old enough I'm going to tell her why I'm no longer with Callie. She won't understand. Maybe she won't forgive me after that but I want to enjoy every minute with her until the moment when she will be able to decide for herself if she wants me to be her mama or not.

* * *

First of all I would like to think everyone that has been reviewing this story. You sure know how to throw a welcome party. I'm sorry it has to be in these circumstances.

I decided to write something from Arizona's point of view too. It's hard to write about her now because I feel like I don't how her character anymore. The old Arizona Robbins wouldn't have cheated but then again, she changed after the plane crash. I'm not taking sides, I'm not choosing Team Callie or Team Arizona. I cheer for both of them, I always have. I want to understand Arizona's decision but I can't. I don't see relationships the way Shonda does. I like to believe that not everybody cheats. They need to talk about their problems because while Callie wears her heart on her sleeve most of the times, Arizona doesn't. She keeps most of her problems for herself. It was like that with her brother's death, with Tim's death, with Callie's pregnancy... and it was like that after the plane crash. Part of me wants them to be together in the end but I can't stop thinking that Callie won't forgive her because Arizona knew about George, she knew about Erica and how those events were hurtful to Callie. She was being selfish and she allowed herself to lose control instead of trying to look better. Callie thinks that everyone deserves a second chance, we've seen it before. But remember that this was not Arizona's first big mistake.

PT: Queria agradecer especialmente uma review em português que recebi vinda do Brasil. Muito obrigado por teres lido a minha história. Eu até a escrevia em português mas infelizmente não há muito esse hábito com Anatomia de Grey.


	4. Changes

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, I guess. There's nothing I can do now. I just have to be strong for my daughter and carry on with my life. I didn't do anything wrong" Callie replied looking up at Bailey.

"I'm happy that you're not blaming yourself."

"Mark once told me something that I never forgot until this day. That's helping me"

"What did he tell you?" Bailey asked while rubbing Callie's shoulder.

"You fought, you loved, you lost. Walk tall Torres" Callie finished the sentence with a smile. She really missed Mark and she needed him more than ever.

"He was right. You've nothing to be ashamed of. You are a brilliant surgeon, a great mom and you will find someone who deserves you"

"Right now I don't want to find anybody. I need some time to myself." Bailey agreed in silence watching Callie standing up.

"I'm going back to work now. I lost a patient yesterday and I need a win today. Hell, I need a lot of wins nowadays."

"Yes, you do. And if you need anything you know where to find me." Bailey nodded getting up as well.

"Thank you Bailey. By the way, how is your research going?"

"Are you asking me that as a friend or as a member of the board?" Bailey asked with a smile.

"Both, I guess." Callie smiled and winked.

"Oh no, please do not do that again Torres. My research is doing fine, thank you very much. But so far, nobody talked to me about giving a Ted speech." Callie's face fell when she remembered her own speech. She and Arizona made love that morning. That memory seemed so far away. She still remembered Arizona supporting her through her speech.

"Are you okay?" Bailey was worried she had said something wrong.

"Yes, I'm alright. I'm going to check on some patients. I'll see you later Bailey" and with that Callie left the room trying not to cry.

* * *

"I'm just giving you a heads up. I'm trying to sell my part of the hospital so I can find a job somewhere else"

"You're running away"

"I'm not running away Owen, I'm not leaving Seattle. I just don't want to work here anymore." Arizona explained.

"Yes, you are. You made a mistake Arizona, you're paying for it. Nobody talks to you, nobody respects you anymore. You're bailing"

"Yeah, that's what I do" she said remembering Mark's words for a brief second. Arizona was not running away, she wanted to fight for Sofia but she couldn't do it there, in the hospital where she had lost so much.

"You may not know this but I cheated on Cristina." Arizona was shocked.

"And she forgave you?"

"I guess she did. But we were never the same after that and it was all my fault. Are you going to fight for Callie?" Owen asked looking straight into Arizona's eyes.

"I want to but I don't feel like I should do it. You're not the first person to tell me that I bail when something happens. I do bail. I cheated on Callie to feel like myself again which is ridiculous because the old me would never cheat on her. I cheated on myself too, you know? Callie always showed that she loved me. I didn't do that many times. I was so angry about my leg that I blamed her for everything. I blamed her for cutting my leg off but she did it because she loved me and I would've died if she had decided to keep her promise." Arizona really needed to tell what she felt to somebody. Owen had already helped her in the past and he could be the one to at least try to understand what she was going through.

"You should be telling that to her, not me." Owen stated.

"I know but she doesn't want to see my face so there's nothing I can do. I just want to leave this hospital, find another job in Seattle and see what I can do about Sofia. I don't want to lose her too. I know she's not actually my daughter but…"

"She is your daughter. You took care of her. You brought her back to life when she was dying. You're her mother too. Even if you cheated on Callie, you have the right to be a part of Sofia's life"

"I didn't think about her that day." Arizona admitted. She was so thrilled with Lauren's attention that she didn't think about anything else.

"She's still your daughter Arizona. If you don't want to fight for Callie at least fight for Sofia."

* * *

Later that night Callie was sitting on the couch when she heard someone knocking at the door. She sighed, it was probably Arizona. As she approached the door she took a deep breath and looked through the peep hole. She was right, it was Arizona.

"What do you want?" Callie asked opening the door.

"I'm not here to bother you; I just need to see Sofia. You're wrong, she is my daughter" Arizona was ready to fight.

"She's sleeping and I'm not going to wake her up because of you, you're not worth it."

"Okay, but I want to see her tomorrow." Arizona tried to hide the hurt in her voice as best as she could.

"I'll think about it." Callie said closing the door.

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I'm sorry Callie. I'm so sorry. I'm selling my part of the hospital. I'm going to find some other job in Seattle but I want to fight for Sofia. She's my daughter. I was the one who could get her to fall asleep; I was the one that hold her after she was born."

"And you are the one who ruined it all, so don't try to make me feel sorry for you because it won't work."

"Please, just let me see her tomorrow, five minutes that's all I'm asking." Arizona begged. Callie was feeling a lot of different emotions. She was mad at Arizona and she wanted nothing more than to kick her out of the building. But on the other hand, her wife (or ex-wife) was right. She was Sofia's mommy. Sofia called for her every night since Arizona left the apartment.

"Okay but I'll be there the whole time. It'll be a sacrifice because I can't stand being next to you but I want to make sure you don't fill her head with lies." Callie agreed making Arizona smile for the first time in a while. But that smile was gone in seconds when she heard the last sentence.

"Fill her head with lies? I know what I did Callie and I'll make sure Sofia knows that I was the one who blew everything up. But that's okay; I don't mind you being there."

"Of course you don't" And with that Callie closed the door leaving Arizona alone once again.

* * *

Thank you again for all the reviews you've been sending. I don't know if this is happening to everyone but I'm not getting emails from ffnet whenever a story I follow is updated.

This story is kind of a therapy for me. The three chapters were written after the episode because I was angry at Grey's Anatomy. Today my football team (or soccer team) lost the championship and I'm very sad about it. I know it's stupid, I shouldn't get so mad over a sport but we shouldn't get so mad over a tv show so hopefully you'll understand me. I hope nothing bad happens anytime soon. I will keep writing but my heart can only take so many hits. And by the way, I'm a girl who loves to watch soccer, play it and cheer for my team until the very end.

I also want to reply a review I got about Alex not having the right to judge Arizona. I believe that when we admire a person so much, we get kind of revolted (I don't know if this is the right word, I'm sorry) when that person does something wrong. We almost believe that person is flawless and we get mad when we realize that nobody's perfect. He's mad at her because he's also Callie's friend, but he's also mad at himself because he had Arizona has a great person that would never hurt her wife and her daughter. But after she's human and she has flaws like everybody else. I don't know if you'll understand what I mean but in portuguese this sounds a lot better.

As for Addison, she's mad at Arizona but she can't say much about the cheating situation because she cheated on her husband too. I know it was different (I state that in the second chapter) but it's still cheating. She's mad because she liked Arizona and she never thought Arizona would cheat on Callie.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'm sorry for the poor dialogue. I hate writing dialogues, even in my native language. And you have a different way to do it too, so I'll just have to get used to it and possibly learn how to do it right.


	5. -Not a real update-

**"Walking on a nightmare" - Empire of the Moon**

Walking on a nightmare

How can I explain

Talking to myself

Will I see again

* * *

You were doing it for the thrill of it, thrill of it

Taking off her clothes for the thrill of it

On and on and on I'm calling you, calling you

I want to look away I'm just in awe of what's in front of me

* * *

Is it real now

You and her becoming one

I can see it

Two people become one

* * *

Thought I'd never see

You cheating on me

Now all I can do is cry

Living in a moment where the minutes are not passing by

* * *

You were doing it for the thrill of it, thrill of it

Taking off her clothes for the thrill of it

On and on and on I'm calling you, calling you

I want to look away, I'm just in awe of what's in front of me

* * *

Is it real now

You and her becoming one

I can see it

Two people become one

* * *

I caught you when you were falling down

Caught you when you were falling down

* * *

Please stop, don't keep going on

I was your shoulder to lean upon

So why have you done this to me

All I've done was give you love that's is right 'til first light

* * *

Is it real now

You and her becoming one

I can see it

Two people become one

* * *

When I'm feeling sad about something I like to make some joke about it (except if it is too serious). As you know, "Walking on a dream" was the name of an episode mainly focused on Arizona. I think the title comes from the song "Walking on a dream" by Empire of the Sun. I love that music and the original lyrics could almost describe the cheating storyline. However I decided to rewrite the lyrics. We need a break from all the sadness we feel about Calzona, right? I hope you like this new song.

By the way, you must read a theory written by a fan. It would be awesome if it was true. If Shonda Rimes pulled this off I would never doubt her again.

sucimejakaDOTlivejournalDOTcomSLASH710DOThtml


	6. Grieve

"I miss you so much. I feel like I've never told you that before. I still remember the day you were gone. I was by your side until the very end. I cried so hard that night. It was like a part of me was gone forever along with you and I know I'll never get it back."

Callie was in the graveyard looking down at Mark's grave. She never had the time to visit him before because she had to help her wife get better. But now she needed to talk to her best friend. She finally had the time to grieve for Mark and she had to do it. She was tired of hiding her feelings not to hurt other people.

"I lost again Mark. I loved, I fought and I lost. I bet not even you would think that Blondie would ever cheat on me but she did. I caught her with a blonde doctor and that was the most painful sight I've ever seen. You would've liked Lauren; she's just your type except for the fact that she speaks the vagina monologues. But the worst of all is that I still love Arizona. I hate her right now but I still love her. Does that make any sense? I guess not."

She sat down and looked around. It was a beautiful day and suddenly the storm was long forgotten. There was a woman crying nearby and that sound broke her heart. Callie didn't understand why she was like that, so sensitive to other people's problems when her own world was crumbling down.

"I used to believe in happy endings. I stopped doing it when George cheated on me but I realized we were not meant to be. Even if I hate Erica she taught me that people shouldn't love genders. Love is love, that's what matters. But Arizona was the one who made me believe in happy endings again. That didn't work out very well too. You didn't get a happy ending; you and Lexie should be alive, thinking about marrying and having kids. But you're both gone and I can only hope that you've found happiness together wherever you are".

She searched her pockets and retrieved a photo of Sofia. Callie smiled at the memory of that day. She and Arizona had just settled the deal for the hospital. They were celebrating, taking a lot of pictures and Sofia was really happy that day like she knew what was going on.

"She's so beautiful Mark. A few days ago I told Arizona she was not Sofia's mother. I wanted to hurt her but you and I both know how much Sofia looks like Arizona. Later today I'll let Arizona see Sofia again. I'm nervous about the whole thing. But I need Sofia to see both of her mommies together, even though we're not living together anymore. She has already lost a parent; she can't get through that again. I'm making the right decision, I guess."

Callie looked at her watch. She had to leave for the hospital. She got up and looked at Mark's tombstone.

_Mark Everett Sloan_

_1968-2012_

_Beloved friend and father_

"I have to go Mark. I miss you and I still love you very much. You'll always be my best friend. I'll kiss Sofia for you. I'll never let her forget you, I promise you that."

She didn't bother wiping her tears away. She had lost too much in the past months.

* * *

I decided to write a little chapter about something I would like to see in Grey's Anatomy.

Once again, thank you for all the support you've been giving me and I hope you like this little update.

PT: Respondendo aos comentários em português, sim, sou do Benfica e a derrota de ontem custou-me imenso. Ainda por cima vivo no Porto, o que não ajuda muito a ignorar os festejos. Mas a vida continua e é só um desporto. Fico muito contente por receber comentários em português. Às vezes quero falar sobre Anatomia de Grey com alguém e nenhum dos meus amigos se interessa pela série. Acho que tenho de procurar amigos novos. Espero que gostem e qualquer sugestão é bem-vinda.


	7. In the past

"Mama! Mama!"

"I'm here sweetie" Arizona said, hugging Sofia for the first time in weeks. She just kept getting more and more beautiful every day and Arizona realized once again that she couldn't stay away from her daughter.

"Thank you Callie"

"You don't need to thank me. She's also your daughter and she really missed you." Arizona smiled. Her daughter had noticed her absence. Her heart started aching when she thought about why she was gone in the first place. She swallowed the lump in her throat and took a glance at Callie.

"Yes, I do. I know I've hurt both of you."

"I don't want to talk about that, not now at least." Arizona noticed the last part of Callie's sentence. Could that mean that she would be able to "explain" herself to Callie someday?

"You're right, I'm sorry"

She spent a whole hour playing with Sofia. Callie didn't leave. Suddenly everything that happened felt like a nightmare. But nothing would be the same again. Their family had fallen apart.

"B-wodie"

"What was that Sofia?" Arizona asked looking curiously at her daughter.

"You blondie…" Callie crumbled to her knees, laughing hysterically while clutching the side of her stomach.

"Oh my god, I can't believe she said that" Arizona started laughing too. And then her face became serious all of a sudden and the lump in her throat was back.

"Arizona, are you okay?" Callie asked noticing the look on Arizona's face.

"Yes, I just…" She couldn't explain her change of humor. Mark used to call her blondie as if he didn't know her real name.

"Talk to me."

"I just need a moment, I'm sorry". Arizona stood up and walked towards the nearest window. Soon she noticed Callie approaching her.

"What's happening? I'm worried…"

"How can you still worry about me Callie?" Arizona asked with a sad smile.

"Well… I don't know why but I still care about you. It's stupid and I don't like it but it's the way I am. I wish I could change and I tried, don't get me wrong but I just keep…"

"Callie stop, you're rambling."

"Oh, yeah, right. Sorry about that. But what's the matter with you? You were laughing and suddenly you got this worried look on your face"

"I was thinking about Mark"

"Oh" Callie wasn't expecting that.

"I liked him. I mean, not always, but most of the times. He was a good friend. Mark helped me a lot in our wedding day" Arizona never told Callie about that moment. It was something she only shared with the Mark.

"He did?"

"Yes. I was sad because of my brother. I needed a moment to miss him and when I heard Sofia calling me blondie I realized that I needed a moment to miss Mark as well." Callie's expression softened. It was the first time she heard Arizona talking about Mark's death.

"He was by my side the whole time after the plane crash. He was heartbroken about Lexie and I was just thinking about getting home to you so I could see you and Sofia again. Mark kept saying he wanted to die but I started talking about Sofia and that gave him some strength. He was a great dad. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy Sofia remembers her daddy somehow. I'm just sad that he won't see her growing up, breaking hearts. I made a deal with him once. We would get two shotguns, load them up with salt and shoot every boy that got near Sofia."

Callie laughed. She could just picture Arizona and Mark sitting on a porch with big hats on their heads shooting at Sofia's suitors.

"I'm sorry you lost your best friend Callie. I should've talked to you about that. We should've talked about so many things, not only the plane crash. We just kept sweeping everything under the rug."

"That's okay; you don't need to worry about that now. It's in the past. We're in the past"

"We'll never be in the past. Even after what I've done I still love you and I will always love you."

"I wish I could believe that"

Callie turned her back on Arizona and made her way to the daycare to take Sofia home. She had tears in her eyes. It was too late for them and again, it wasn't her fault.

* * *

I'm trying to update this story as often as I possibly can because in a few weeks I won't have a lot of time to write because of my college final exams..

Thank you again for all the reviews and I think ffnet is sending update emails again. By the way, if you're writing any story about Calzona send me the link. I love to read new stories about them.

In the past few days I've read lots of theories about Calzona. I've read somewhere that a character named Tim will be in the season finale. The actor has blue eyes and all but it could be something else. I still hope that Arizona was having some kind of breakdown. I just can't see her cheating. And if Tim really showed up in the season finale, it would be awesome. Have you been reading any theories? Do you have any of your own? Leave a review about it, I'd like to discuss this subject.

PT:

Relicario - quando precisar de falar com alguém hei-de chatear-te então. A season finale tem de ser comentada e analisada de todos os ângulos possíveis depois de sair.

Mais uma vez muito obrigado pelos comentários em português. Qualquer sugestão ou dúvida, é só mandarem mensagem ou deixarem num comentário.


	8. Awful

A few months ago all I wanted was for you to notice me standing by your side. Your eyes had turned into a dark shade of blue and I could no longer read them. Every time I tried to talk to you I felt like I was skating on thin ice. Your eyes were like daggers stabbing me in the chest and your words were cold and filled with anger.

I was there because I loved you. I still love you. You really are the love of my life. And even after you cheated on me I don't know if I would give up on that. I found you when I least expected. I wasn't ready to love again but I found myself falling in love with you.

I'm afraid I might forgive you someday. I should never forgive you. But I love you and I felt the need to tell you that. I wanted nothing more than hug you when you told me about everything that happened in those woods. Why now? Why did you have to cheat on me to realize you could've trusted me?

I remember all those times I used to look at you after the plane crash. I was so glad you were home with me and Sofia. I wanted to fix you so bad; not only your leg but also your soul. You're still broken. You're not the girl who kissed me in a dirty bathroom. You're not even the girl who broke up with me in the middle of an airport.

The human being is complicated but I can live with that. And love is like a bridge; you need to take a leap of faith. But you're not crossing that bridge to find somebody waiting for you on the other side. You're crossing it while holding someone's hand. That's the meaning of true love, you're never alone anymore. You'll always have someone by your side, someone with whom you can talk about everything. We used to be like that.

You're still the most stunning woman I've ever met. Not because of your eyes, your dimples or even your blonde hair. You made me feel better about myself every day we spent together. Not everybody can do that. I couldn't do that and maybe that's why you cheated on me. But the more I think about it, the more I know it wasn't my fault at all. It wasn't my fault that I was a newborn, it wasn't my fault that you didn't believe I was willing to leave everything behind to go with you to Africa. That's how much I loved you.

I would still trade places with you. If I had the chance I would go in that plane instead of you. I don't know how I would've reacted to losing a limb but I would've never cheated on you. You've never been on this side; you don't know how it hurts. You knew this had happened to me before, you knew this would hurt me like hell but you still did it. You're not a bad person, you just made a mistake. But it wasn't any mistake. You lied to yourself by saying everything was okay and that you were fine. I didn't push you. I just waited for you.

"Please don't run. It's all been awful and I've been awful, but I'm starting to feel like myself again."

I never thought about you as anything other than "awesome". You were mad at everything but I understood that. But now you really were awful and if this is your new self, I can't even begin to think about the possibility of forgiving you.

* * *

I took a little break from the story. I wanted to make an update before tonight's episode. I'm really nervous and I know that won't be happy with how things will go but I guess you know this feeling too. I felt the need to write another chapter without dialogue because when something bad happens we also need some time alone to think. These chapters with no dialogue represent those moments. I hope you like it anyway.

I wish us good luck for tonight's episode. We'll need it. And thank you for all the support to this story. Whatever happens tonight, I will finish what I started. And did you see JCap's interview? She's awesome. It's not her fault Arizona made this and I still see some hate words towards her everyday. That's impossible to understand, right?


End file.
